"A profound unmitigated loneliness is the only truth of life"
- R.K. Narayan

When I was born, I felt so vulnerable. Whenever I tried to speak, I only managed to squeal. I hated seeing my mother naked, yet she forced me to suck at her breast. I couldn't even do my own toilet. My tongue wasn't twisting the way I wanted, my limbs weren't responding to me. People made funny faces at me, and I had no choice to ignore them. I wondered why man had to be born so helpless and fragile. 

And while I kept constantly wondering, it all changed. I grew up...
Oh God! All I needed was an answer, not an escape!

In school, my innocence was torn apart, and ingenuity raped. They forced time-tables upon us, while making me stand on the table all the time. I never ate my lunch in peace, it always had to be shared and fussed over. The only creativity encouraged was in finding ways to fool the teachers. Freedom was something we celebrated only on 15-Aug, standing beneath a tri-colored piece of cloth, which flapped so furiously that it literally slapped the wind. I pondered why learning had to be so tedious.

And while I kept furiously pondering, it all changed. I passed out of school...
Oh God! All I needed was an answer, not an escape!

At work, freedom, again, was only in the choice of beverage at the vending machine. Timetables changed into Project schedules. Friendships changed into partnerships, relationships were built over necessities. Deadlines petrified us more than death ever did! People didn't want to be racists, yet they all agreed life was a big race. I kept speculating why survival had to be so complicated.

And while I kept seriously speculating, it all changed. I got married and a wave of personal life swept over me...
Oh God! All I needed was an answer, not an escape!

Family seemed like an action movie in a dark room - the darkness of delusion lost in the blindness of the noise. Life became a two way traffic in a single lane road- while I made other's wishes as mine own, I also started imposing my own wishes upon them. I had to accept well-wishers that I never really needed. Every decision seemed like a broth made by many cooks. Happiness was a birthday cake that people scraped every bit of, and smile was its cream forcefully smeared on the face. Some joked it was like life in the wild - wild it was, but in a zoo cage. Marriage seemed like innocence getting marred with age. Every move had one of two purposes, either to jumble or to gamble. I questioned why things had to be such a frenzy.

And while I fervently questioned, it all changed. I got divorced and left alone..
Oh God! All I needed was an answer, not an escape!

Life still seems a mystery. Men still hungrily pursue the unknown, while frantically running away from the greatest unknown of them all, death! All our knowledge still seems like a drop in the unconquerable oceans of the world. I still have the same questions, the same perplexed and confused look that was stamped on my face the day I was born. I still yearn to peek around the corner and see what lies beyond. I still keep thinking if death holds answers to all of life's questions.

I am still crazily contemplating, and I don't know when and how it will all change.
But I beg you Oh God! This time, please, lead me on the way to answers, not on the path to escape!